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Friday, April 29, 2011

Love Letters

Love Letters

I’m writing you love letters, sometimes they are the same.
Never are they plain with scribbled hearts around your name.
I’m writing you love letters, to show how much I care.
Sometimes I know it’s hard, because I am not there.
I’m writing you love letters to speak the words of the heart.
From which my lips they do not seem to part.
I’m writing you love letters, because I’m just too shy.
To face you in the flesh when you begin to ask why.
I’m writing you love letters, because I need to know.
If what it is you feel for me is something you’re willing to show.
I’m writing you love letters, because I cannot sleep.
Sometimes my words get tangled. Sometimes they can be deep.
I’m writing you love letters, with no hopes of replies.
All that I ask of you is not to tell me any lies.
I’m writing you love letters, to tell you I was wrong.
I know this all can’t be fixed with just a simple song.
I’m writing you love letters outside in the rain.
Just hoping that it will disguise my tear drop stains.
I’m writing you love letters casting my fears aside.
So I can show you just how deeply I feel inside.
I’m writing you love letters and leaving it up to you.
Because in the end, you’ll know that I’ll always love you. 


Friday, April 22, 2011

With A Leap Of Faith

Not to be a Debbie downer or anything, but I think this post shall be a serious post after all, when I first started this blog it was full of seriousness. Just think of it as returning to Life Not So Fab's roots.

Some of you know (if you follow me on Twitter) that I have been listening to Adele's 21 Cd every single day since I bought it, and every song on that album has resonated with me. It's been 2 years since my last significant relationship, and it has taken me that long to come to terms with everything. I mean for goodness sake I was still crying at the sound of his name a year later over 2 for 1's at Fridays. He broke me pretty badly I'd have to say.

You might be saying to yourself, "why did it take her so long?" I'll tell you why, it was because I was in love. Truly, madly, and deeply. I never believed that if one is truly in love with someone that they could just get over them just like that. I could also say that another factor is because there are still a lot of questions unanswered.

I completely took pride in knowing that I would be fine in life without someone to love, but what kind of life is that really? I loved being in love. Why wouldn't I want that for the rest of my life? Love in its purest form is the MOST incredible feeling to ever be felt, but I'm afraid of love now.

When I choose to love someone from an intimate standpoint, I give my all and expect no less in return. Do you know how hard it is for me to do that? I am well aware that I have become completely guarded, and highly sarcastic because of the hands I've been dealt in my relationships. I used to be a lot more open, but now I tread lightly. I know this directly correlates with my none intimate relationships as well.

I don't want to like you, nor do I want to love you because I always seem to get hurt. I actively try not to cultivate relationships with anybody, but there are those that slip through and make me realize that sometimes you just have to jump with a leap of faith.

I hide a lot of myself behind jokes, teasing, and my sarcasm so much so sometimes people can't decide whether I am being honest or not. I'm not trying to say that I am being fake at all, I'm just not the person that I used to be. The girl that believed that everyone had the best intentions. The girl who would give you her last. She's long gone.

When I listen to the track, 'One and Only' on Adele's Cd, I feel as though the song is speaking the words of my heart. "You'll never know if you never try to forgive your past and simply be mine." It has taken me 2 years to forgive my past, and now I'm ready to love. I'll always be scared, who isn't afraid to love? Hearts break and mend all of the time.

I will never be the kind of girl who could be with someone just for the hell of it, or just for sex. I don't want that. It's not in me. If I'm giving you one piece of me, I'm giving you everything. I don't half-ass my life, nor my heart. No disrespect to those of you reading who are able to set aside feelings for enjoyment. 

I want the right love not the right now kind of love. I want the kind of love that kisses your soul, because to kiss the soul, is to have a love that transcends time rather than for a moment.

Thanks always for reading. 


Thursday, April 7, 2011

Jokes On Us. The End!

Okay, by now you’ve all read, and heard everything thing about shittycon, and since I can go on, and flippin’ on about how much of a letdown that entire weekend was for me aside from the previously mentioned; I will end with this.

Dear EyeCon Staff,

Thank you for not taking the TVD fandom seriously. You may have swindled us out of thousands of dollars, but NEVER THE HELL AGAIN! While some are still kissing your asses and cooing over how "great of a job" you did, I would like to take this time to give you some advice on your future shitventions:

1. If you're going to promise something you best make sure you deliver on it.
2. How in the flying fuck can you run a convention if you and your staff are the BIGGEST groupies out there? If you're going to be in a business surrounding yourselves around celebrities, I think it best if you and your staff learn how to separate business from pleasure. 
3. This is more of a comment rather than a suggestion... WHAT IN THE ENTIRE HELL WAS THAT 10 DAY OLD SHIT PILE OF A PAGEANT YOU TRIED TO PUT ON? Did you not realize (of course you did, but you didn't care) that these girls were taking this seriously? And that crown! I could have gotten that damn thing off of ebay for $5!
4. Please inform your staff and volunteers on what the hell they are supposed to be doing. You had a 9 am meeting, and for what?
6. The land of denial is such a magical place. If someone asks me for my opinion on if they should attend one of your "conventions", I will gladly tell them, FUCK NO!
7. I would have found you a bit less irritating had you not removed the negative comments from your Facebook page.
8. Though some are afraid to call you out, I'm not, so Thank you Kenny and crew for screwing me out of what was supposed to be one of the best times of my life.

Yours Truly,

xOxO~ Shenna