When I Grow Up I Want To Be...

Often I wonder where I would I be had I pursued my childhood dreams. I remember being a little girl and going through that phase of wanting to be a ballerina, doctor, queen, and actress, but not one of them stuck with me like being a paleontologist did. I remember struggling with wanting to be both The Little Mermaid and a famous digger upper of dinosaur bones.

I guess all fingers could be ppointed at the movie The Land Before Time (1988). I was about 4 years old when that movie came out and all I can remember was being so in love with Sara the triceratops, and Ducky. Of course at that age, I fell in love with a lot of things (see 1989 when I went through my Little Mermaid Phase and) and so I was a bit sketchy on who/what I wanted to be in life.

Me at the age of 4 (glasses and bone not included)

 22 years have passed since then and I still find myself thinking about my old aspirations. What if I would've taken that road of paleontology? Would I be happier in life? Would I feel much more fulfilled? Can I really bring my BIGGEST childhood dream to fruition? What I'm afraid of most is that I may never get the answer to those questions. That inner Mary Leakey in me keeps piping up whenever I make a decision about my career goals, and it makes me question a lot of things in my life.

There seems to be no room for the what ifs in the land of adulthood when it comes to those types of decisions. Have many of you put your childhood dreams on the back burner or hidden deep within a closet because reality has a totally different plan for you? I try to carry out as many of my dreams as I possibly can, but I can say that I envy those that are able to pursue whatever it is their hearts desire.

Now, I don't have kids or a husband waiting at home for me nor do I have some amazing career that I am scared to walk away from, so I know what is truly holding me back, is my enemy by the name of failure. I struggle with being afraid of failing, not just anyone, but myself. Failing to do what it is that I set out to do has been my enemy all of my life. My head is all "do what you know will work", and my heart is all "but you will never know unless you try." BLAH!

What I want is to just jump with a leap of faith and see where it takes me, but alas life, dear sweet life has not afforded me with a heart and head that agrees with each other and so I am left in the middle. I straddle on the fence of realistic and unrealistic ideas and it about drives me coo coo bananas.

And so my point of this post is this, whether or not your ideas, dreams, goals from your childhood seemed attainable don't talk or think yourself out of it, go for it!

xOxO~Shenna